How we hoaxed the BBC

Late in 2004 we managed to commit our very first art fraud! (gasp!) In a bold move we managed to pull off an incredible scam. In its audacity our hoax was matched only by the fake Hitler Diaries or the historic Piltdown Man fiasco.

Prank

In a typically good-humoured pre-Christmas prank we sent a picture to our local television news programme, BBC East Midlands. For the past month they had been asking younger viewers to send in their own artwork for the festive season.

And so we trotted off to town and, determined to do a good job, we purchased the best wax crayons money can buy (24 for the price of 16!). Back home we (all right then, it was me!) did a brilliant picture of a Christmas tree complete with baubles and a brown pot to stand it in. And on the back of the picture I scrawled my name. And gave my age as six, yes SIX years old.

Below is the picture the BBC showed live on television to thousands, if not hundreds of local viewers. Ain't digital photography great?

yes that's really my picture

The following picture shows me holding the original 'artwork', as an extra proof to any remaining sceptics. John Constable never had to do things like this; I mean, can you imagine it? (Just hold that picture of the Haywain steady whilst we take your picture, John, there's a love.)

a portrait of the artist

At the tender age of 39½ could this man
be the world's oldest child prodigy?

Shortlist

In an astonishing twist to this story, my Christmas tree picture was shortlisted into the final six out of hundreds of other pictures. See it for yourself on the BBC East Midlands website. If my pic had made it down to the last two (and it was viewers' votes that counted!) then it would have been printed as an official BBC Christmas Card for 2005. And then (haha!) if you wanted to get your mitts on a copy, you'd bally well have had to pay for one, wouldn't you?

But really, we weren't aiming to win a prize. It was all about the kudos.

And finally...

Unfortunately my 'Tree Lights' masterpiece, despite reaching the final six out of hundreds of entries, failed to be selected as one of the two pictures which will eventually become proper Christmas cards in 2005.