Are You A Moccultist?
"Mmoccultist" is a combination of "mock" and "occultist" and means any person who claims to be an occultist but who merely dabbles in the occult with no real understanding of what they are doing and no real intention of changing. For the moccultist, magick is just something to show off about. Honest ignorance, on the other hand, is excusable and easily corrected - everyone has to learn. But those who loudly proclaim their supposed occult abilities simply in order to make an impression tend to be noticed in the wrong circles and find their skills (if indeed they had any to begin with) desert them fairly early on in their magickal career.
Are you Buffy or Buffoon?
Moccultists blindly follow ready-made supposedly ancient occult spells and when the instant results they were expecting do not happen, they then become like every other embittered failure and announce to anyone who will listen that occultism is nonsense. These are the gold medal winners in the moccultist Olympics.
So, if you think you're ready, let's find out...are you Buffy or Buffoon? Adept or Inept? Are you forging a new path of your own designing. Or are you just following blindly. In other words "Are you a moccultist?" Try our light hearted quiz and find out now!
Do you know the names of all the Ancient Egyptian gods: Ra, Horus, etc?
Congratulations! You have an excellent memory and are skilled at assimilating facts. This could simply mean that you have an academic interest in ancient civilizations. However if you have ever tried to invoke one of the Egyptian deities then there is a chance that you may be a moccultist. For a moccultist, a head full of facts can be a heart full of woe as you will surely discover if you fluff your lines whilst trying to call down one of the ancient gods. My advice is to show respect and always have your excuses ready just in case.
Do you understand astrology?
I'm not just talking about Sun signs but ascendants, aspects and trines and so forth. Still with me? Great, you not only have a head full of facts but you enjoy drawing complicated diagrams too. But do you talk about ideas like having Mars in Uranus - a logical impossibility in any case? If you do that would qualify you as a moccultist. Furthermore you ought to get some new jokes too.
Can you divine the future using runes or tarot cards?
Tarot and runes have been around for a long time and have been used by experts and moccultists alike. Bad news for tea leaf readers in the UK - apparently tea consumption is declining steadily and job opportunities for you are few and far between.
So, are you a moccultist? Depends. If you charge a fiver per reading and talk about "tall dark strangers" etc, you probably are. Do me a freebie, however and I might just reconsider that assessment.
Do you set your VCR for 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'?
So do I.
Do you practice Wicca?
The rules of Wicca - a relatively recent invention - and witchcraft have been mangled and rewritten over the years by both occultists and moccultists seeking answers, but sometimes this can simply raise more questions. The same thing has happened to followers of the main organized religions - arguments over what should be included or omitted from scriptures; lost or mistranslated manuscripts and different interpretations of the same texts. Yesterday's heretic could be tomorrow's style guru. It doesn't necessarily matter. If your version of Wicca works for you, that's fine. What matters is not so much whose interpretation you follow but what you personally do with it.
Have you ever used a ouija board?
I used to have a friend who had a flimsy home-made ouija board. He would insist that we tried the board every time I called round to visit. It became something of an obsession for him for quite some time. Part of the attraction seems to lie in the physical act of holding the planchette whilst attempting to contact spirits - a little bit like trying to tune a radio in to your favourite station. Of course there is also pleasure to be gained from trying not to get caught pushing the pointer. And in seeing how subtle you can be in manipulating the board. And for those who enjoy words, there is lots of fun to be had in taking a meaningless jumble of letters and reading important signs and messages out of them. Ouija is truly amazing. And it belongs strictly in the feeble-minded field of moccultism. No doubt about it.
Is there anybody there . . . ?
Do you own books of magical spells?
Were they from a mainstream New Age publisher? Do you read them for amusement only ? Fine. Do you try to follow the spells therein as accurately as possible? Gotcha!! You... is... a ...moccultist! It's simple - for a spell or incantation to have the desired effects there is one indispensable ingredient. You have to put part of the very core of your being into it. I'm not talking about toenail clippings or bits of hair - although these may be required - but about your soul or inner essence or Will or whatever word you use for it. If instead you are just following in someone else's footsteps and repeating their words, the results you get will be theirs and not yours. Most of the time this will simply result in disappointment and you going around telling people that all this occult stuff is nonsense. But occasionally you will find a spell which is in fact deliberately designed to trap the unwary (i.e. the moccultist) and blindly following that recipe may bring you all manner of problems. It's like me telling you to make a cup of tea by putting petrol in the kettle and lighting the hob with a match. Don't tell me you'd do that.
Do you own talismans or amulets with magickal properties?
The moccultists will like that question. Pop that extra K into magical and they think it's all authentick. Anyway, back to the question. Amulets bought from shops although not as good as amulets you have made yourself (or discovered or been given) may still be ritually cleansed and then imbued with your own energy. You got your amulet free in a box of cereal? You're a moccultist.
Are you an alchemist?
Maybe your kitchen cupboards are full of herbs and potions. Perhaps your garage contains a home laboratory with mysterious elements bubbling furiously and strange sigils adorning the walls. Hopefully you are following your own path rather than Mrs Beeton's guide to the transmutation of metals. If your efforts are contributing to the search for the Philosopher's Stone or the Elixir of Life, well done, for you have escaped the burden of being labelled a moccultist. However if your lab is a thinly disguised excuse for a crack house then you are simply making things worse for yourself. Take my advice - turn yourself in, plea bargain for all you are worth, behave well and you should be out in twenty years. Still not a moccultist though, are you?
Do you make little wax dolls and stick pins in them?
No of course you're not a moccultist. You are actually a very nice person and I refuse to let anybody speak ill of you in my presence.
Are you a member of a coven?
By using the word coven I am making no assumptions about which path you are following and therefore I am unable to tell if you are a moccultist or not. People join covens for various reasons and clearly some people are more manipulative than others and may have joined for less honourable reasons than you. Without more information to go on I cannot make a fair assessment. You may like to play "spot the psychic (or even sanguinary) vampire " if you are in a coven. However, you may already have been lined up as next week's human sacrifice by the other members. In which case this is all rather academic isn't it ?
Do you usually complete questionnaires like this?
Being a moccultist is really the least of your problems . . .
